Cheap Trick or Treat

Hey all,

First off, I know there's been some crazy things happening lately, so hopefully wherever you're reading this from you and yours are safe and sound.

So I haven't been on here much lately. I hope you were all happy and excited for me cause that meant that my Big Sister wasn't making me doing horribly feminine things... Of course, October 31st is a bit of a different animal. I think she disappears around this time on purpose. As Halloween creeps closer and closer without hearing from her, my stomach starts to twist. I hold out hope that I won't have to dress up or at least I could go and get a male costume... but, what if she contacts me at the last minute? How am I going to get a costume on short notice? How do I pull it all off? What if she doesn't contact me? Does that mean I don't have to dress up for Halloween? Ever again? I mean if she doesn't want me to dress up for Halloween, maybe she's finally grown bored of me... but, the pit in my stomach grows wider. She's going to expect me in something. Maybe this is a test? What's worse; dressing like a girl when I didn't have to, or feeling the wrath of my Big Sister for not dressing up when she expects me to?

I wasn't going to do it. I was going to make a stand. Do you remember last year? I got punished for dressing up even when she didn't say anything?!!? I shook a little at the evening got later and later. With a whimper, I gave up... I slinked into my closet and started to pull through my feminine things to put together a costume.

But, not all was lost. If I was going to dress up, then I was going to pick up costume of MY choosing. It was going to be an image of what kind of girl I would be if I HAD to be a girl. This was not going to be girl-girl. This was not going to be pink. Not cutesy. No dresses. I was going to be cool. Powerful. Bad-ass. Ok, ok, the idea for my costume had come to me a while ago. A while ago. It wasn't for Halloween specifically, but I kept it in the back of my mind in case my Big Sis ever asked for my opinion. Plus, when I had to browse for girl stuff, my tastes seemed to skew this way. What kind of girls today are cool,  powerful, and bad-ass?? Rock chicks of course!

Of course a lot of costumes could be for a rock chick, and I wasn't about to buy a meat dress, or a bubble dress, or some crazy galactic orbit dress. Of in order to pull it off, I thought I'd try and set the scene with a collection of poses:

Is it just me or does it seem that more often than not, the Paparazzi tend to sneak up on unsuspecting celebrities from behind? But, they don't just sneak up on them, they also seem to take a pic from the back too. It's like back-up proof in case someone the celeb flees. It's like there version of the spotting Bigfoot picture. Figured I need one of these to make me seem rock star-ish.

Of course being a rock star, I don't want to be caught by the Paparazzi. So naturally, my hand has all but thrown out all evidence that this is a photo of me. But why don't I want to be photographed at wherever I am?? I mean, I probably just came out of an orphanage or I just handed over a large novelty cheque to a charity I support... right?

Yeah, I took an extra one. I'm a huge rock star so I have extra Paparazzi following me. Plus, I could get into the idea of obscuring my face in photos. Should be a staple in all future poses my Big Sis make me take.

And of course, even when I'm in one place, I'm really somewhere else. The important life of a rock-star celebrity. And naturally, because I'm being photographed I need to pretend to look bored. After all a rock star obviously much more important than whoever is on the other end of the line.

Unless of course the person on the other end is an underling. Than the rock star must be giving directions to this person to get things done for them in their important lives. Yup, clearly chatting with one of the many Personal Assistants to keep the rock star live running on all cylinders.

This is me at the show rockin' it out for all my adoring fans! Some of them would consider me a hero. A hero who plays guitar. I bet they'll even make a video game about this rock star some day!

Bad-ass, mama jamma! I taught Slash this pose.

All rock stars have that pose that while is obviously been rehearsed and burned into their muscle memory, is supposed to tell everyone this is how they are just naturally cool and just about the scene. Plus, it always makes for a good album promo photo. Or something.

So that was me on Halloween. Cool, right? I mean, it's like I've built a whole persona or whatever. You so totally like this as opposed to the ridiculous stuff my Big Sister had me doing, yeah? I mean, you're totally hooked on this alternate persona. I can tell. I think you should comment and let my Big Sis know you're more interested in seeing more about this new persona and any of the silly stuff she was coming up with. Plus, I haven't thought of a name yet for this new bad-ass girl side. Comment and give suggestions for a name. I was going to go with Moon Unit Zappa, but that didn't seem original enough.

Shy Chrissy vs. the World

So... OK maybe I'm not Scott Pilgrim, and I wasn't exactly spending this last little while fighting for the affections of a girl, but sometimes it just feels like the world is against you, right?

Despite all of you insisting to post comments even when I ask you not to, I had thought maybe my "Big Sister" had finally grown tired of this little game and decided to move on. She went AWOL for a while, but alas she returned.

My "Big Sister" left me to my own devices to try and come up with something appropriate for Halloween. Now, her idea of what's appropriate differs widely from mine, so I was lost in terms of what to do. I scrambled around, desperate for something. I came up with something I figured would work, a bunny costume that was more cute than overtly sexy.

I took the pics without the slightest idea of what poses a bunny girl would do, let alone a girl or a bunny. But, then the clock stuck midnight and the black magic of Halloween was finally lifted, I realized I'd made a serious error: I forgot the most critical aspect of my costume, the ears. On top of that, the poses I struck didn't show the second most critical aspect of the costume, the bunny tail... so, all I really had was me in girlie stuff, doing absolutely absurd poses.

You'd think my big sister had some taste for quality. You thought wrong. Apparently, she'd rather just humiliate me through quantity over quality. So, here's the disastrous pictures of a bunny costume that wasn't. Sometimes once a year is too often...

... Give Me Something Good to Eat!

Hey peeps!


I hope you've had a very fun and safe Halloween weekend.

I remember running up to houses and shouting Trick or Treat... Give me something good to eat! And then a friendly neighbor would come out and gush over my costume... well actually they'd usually ask because it's so cold here by Halloween that you had your costume on underneath your heavy winter jacket, gloves, and toque. But, what matters is that they'd send me away with my treat-filled pillow case ever so slightly heavier. As a kid, October 31 was always circled on my calendar.

You have have noticed that I haven't been updating much lately. My big sis has been occupied by other things and has left me quite alone. So awesome, right? And you all better be happy for me too. The last thing I need is people on her side; she's bad enough all by herself. So when the cats away... uh, the mouse gets cheese... hmm, dish and spoon take off... er, Chrissy doesn't have to do humiliating post blogs. You get the idea!

Of course when Halloween was coming up, my big sis sent me a couple quick emails to make sure I couldn't get away with anything on today. No army man costume, superhero outfit, or cowboy getup... Well, she didn't say that specifically but she implied I had better get dressed up. And that was it... no costumes picked out... no poses sent to me as examples. Just a note saying I better have a costume for Halloween.

So what was I to do? I mean, I don't think I want to be a girl... er, I know I don't want to be a full time girl... I mean, I don't want to be a girl! But, here I was with no force, no guidance, not even a real threat of punishment if I didn't comply.

But, so what? I mean this is the one day of the year where people dress to pretend, right? Big jocks dressed as geeks, the quiet girl dressed like a sexy kitten and the cute kid dressed like a scary vampire. This is the day where people dress as who they aren't. So, in a way... it kinda makes sense that I got a girlie costume, right?

And it wasn't that bad. I mean, without my big sis trying to put me in humiliating outfits and poses that are over-sexualized for a girl, let alone a guy. Without the humiliating context that big sis put on it, I didn't have that feeling of dread that would sit in the pit of my stomach with every flash of the camera.

So I got all dressed up. Not with some horrible costume or with the intention of getting candy and not under duress. I got dressed in a feminine costume that I picked out. And I took pictures of poses. Not ones that my sis picked and I worried and freaked out over. I took pictures of poses that I came up with. I've even still in the costume as I type this. I mean it's still another 2 hours before November comes so it's ok, right?

Of course being all grown up, I can't exactly go out and get some free chocolate and candy. Yet, with each passing minute of October 31 and my brain just starts to focus on sweets. Gosh, I REALLY need to wrap my lips around something right about now...